Misers aren't much
fun to live with,
but they make
great ancestors.
Your conscience may
not keep you from
doing wrong, but it
sure keeps you
from enjoying it.
The Clinton Creed:
Take Credit Not Responsibility
If at first you
don't succeed,
skydiving is not
for you.
It may be that
your sole purpose
in life is simply
to serve as
warning to others.
The sooner you fall
behind, the more
time you'll have
to catch up.
A clear conscience
is usually the sign
of a bad memory.
Wise man talk
because they have
something to say;
fools talk because
they have to say
something
Those who live by
the sword get shot
by those who don't.
Isn't it strange
that the same
people who laugh
at gypsy fortune
tellers take
economists seriously?
When an agnostic
dies, does he
go to the
"great perhaps"?
If practice
makes perfect,
and nobody's
perfect, why
practice?
Is it possible
to have déjà vu
and amnesia at
the same time?
How do you
know when it's
time to tune
your bagpipes?
If time heals
all wounds, how
come the belly
button stays
the same?
If procrastinators
had a club would
they ever have
a meeting?
Money doesn't bring
you happiness, but it
enables you to
look for it
in more places.
When you see the
handwriting on the
wall, you can bet
you're in a
public restroom.
DEAR DIARY
MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Bob.
Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs
separately. The neighbors were
nice enough to loan me some
extra bowls.
TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad
for supper. The recipe
said serve without dressing.
So I didn't dress. What a
surprise when Bob brought
a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice.
The recipe said wash
thoroughly before steaming
the rice. It seemed kinda
of silly but I took a bath.
I can't say it improved
the rice any.
THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad
again. I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of
lettuce one hour before
serving. Which is what led
up to Bob asking me why I
was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe
for cookies. It said put
all ingredients in bowl
and beat it. There must
have been something wrong
with this recipe. When I
got back, everything was
the same as when I left.
SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping
today and brought home
a chicken. He asked me
to dress it for Sunday
(oh boy). For some reason
Bob keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY:
Bob's folks came to dinner.
I wanted to serve roast.
All I could find was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of
genius. I put the hamburger
in the oven and set the
controls for roast. It
still came out hamburger,
much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very
exciting week. I am eager
for tomorrow to come so
I can try out a new recipe
on Bob. If we could just
get a bigger oven, I would
like to surprise him with
Chocolate Moose.